For Your Enjoyment #38, Race to the White House 2016 Ed. (Part 2)

Part 1

- DARTH TRUMP (video above)

So this is the state of Ted Cruz less than a week before Super Tuesday. Hated by his party, incapable of getting anyone to like him. The GOP establishment has even made it clear that as much as they hate Trump, they would still prefer him as the party nominee. That alone must be galling to Ted Cruz, who has spent his entire life planning and plotting and gearing up for this run, only to see it swamped by a walking billionaire troll doll who has made a mockery of all the voter-fooling conservative arguments he was counting on to carry the day for him. You might even feel a tinge of sympathy for him, if he wasn’t such a galactically shitty jerk.

- Welp, some things never change - everyone still hates Ted Cruz

Look, all of this speculation can end. All you have to do is say "I am not the Zodiac Killer." What are you hiding [?]

- The Internets just cracks me up sometimes

Trump’s wager was simple: Pretend to be stupid and angry because that’s what stupid and angry people like. He’s held up a mirror to the country, shown us how blind and apish we are. He knew how undiscerning the populace would be, how little they cared about details and facts. In Nevada, for instance, 70 percent of Trump voters said they preferred an “anti-establishment” candidate to one with any “experience in politics.” Essentially, that means they don’t care if he understands how government works or if he has the requisite skills to do the job. It’s a protest vote, born of rage, not deliberation...Debate after debate, speech after speech, Trump has personified the anti-intellectualism percolating in this country for decades. Is there any doubt it’s working? He may be cynical, but he isn’t wrong...The people are getting what they want, and what they want is to have their idiocies and their discontent beamed back at them. Trump is clearly more than a media construction. He’s everything dumb and regressive about our political culture distilled into a single candidate. And he exists only because a sufficient number of Americans want him to – that’s the problem.

- We're a nation of idiots. 

What we call right-wing and liberal media in this country are really just two different strategies of the same kind of nihilistic lizard-brain sensationalism. The ideal CNN story is a baby down a well, while the ideal Fox story is probably a baby thrown down a well by a Muslim terrorist or an ACORN activist. Both companies offer the same service, it's just that the Fox version is a little kinkier. It's our fault. We in the media have spent decades turning the news into a consumer business that's basically indistinguishable from selling cheeseburgers or video games. You want bigger margins, you just cram the product full of more fat and sugar and violence and wait for your obese, over-stimulated customer to come waddling forth.

- Has the sensationalism of mainstream media gotten out of control?

There’s no official definition of the “establishment” but it presumably includes all of the people and institutions that have wielded significant power over the American political economy, and are therefore deemed complicit...The establishment doesn’t get that most Americans couldn’t care less about economic growth because for years they’ve got few of its benefits, while suffering most of its burdens in the forms of lost jobs and lower wages. Most people are more concerned about economic security and a fair chance to make it. The establishment doesn’t see what’s happening because it has cut itself off from the lives of most Americans. It also doesn’t wish to understand, because that would mean acknowledging its role in bringing all this on. Yet regardless of the political fates of Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders, the rebellion against the establishment will continue.  Eventually, those with significant economic and political power in America will have to either commit to fundamental reform, or relinquish their power.

-  Robert Reich optimistically predicts the end of the establishment

Indeed, the uncomfortable truth, for the pundits and fellow Republicans who turned their noses up at Trump, is that his appeal has spread over seven months so far beyond a rabble-rousing, anti-establishment rump to encompass the very elements of the American electorate the GOP has been eager to reach. And while it’s no majority, it’s a bigger group than anything the rest of the fragmented Republican field has galvanized. 

- Donald J. Trump's fans aren't all just angry, uneducated white men

"THAT'S the Black Experience? Get the f*ck out of here, Ben Carson. And take your pebble with you."

- Trevor Noah questions Ben Carson: What makes you the arbiter of black?

We — the undersigned artists, musicians, and cultural leaders of America — are excited to endorse a new vision for our country. It’s a vision that pushes for a progressive economic agenda. It’s a vision that creates jobs, raises wages, protects the environment, and gets big money out of politics. We endorse Bernie Sanders to become the 2016 Democratic Nominee for President of the United States of America.

- Travis Birkenstock is Feeling the Bern

For Your Enjoyment #37

Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, is the birthplace of Groundhog Day and the home of Punxsutawney Phil, the Peyton Manning of prescient rodents. During a ceremony at sunrise, the waddling prophet is retrieved from his heated home inside a mock tree stump and hoisted heavenward by top-hatted helpers who interpret his gestures to make a prediction while thousands watch. Phil's stardom is coupled with infamy and not just due to the fact that his forecasts have been off 55% of the time over the past three decades, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.

- The groundhog: Friend, foe and/or meteorologist? (image above)

“He looks amazing in the pictures,” the photographer told the China Daily in an earlier interview. “Not everybody looks good in suits. But he’s got class … he is happy that people are being nice to him and to be welcomed by so many people. Having people pay attention to him and having a sense of existing are important to him,” he added. “I want my grandpa to feel that he is useful.” Speaking on Monday with the help of his grandson, Ding said he had enjoyed his unforeseen transformation from farmer to fashionista. “They are beautiful,” the softly spoken grandfather said of his grandson’s viral photographs. The retired farmer said he was unable to pick his favourite look from his menswear collection. “I like all of them,” he told the Guardian.

- The story behind China's coolest, most dapper grandpa

Like most gay and equality campaigners, I initially condemned the Christian-run Ashers Bakery in Belfast over its refusal to produce a cake with a pro-gay marriage slogan for a gay customer, Gareth Lee. I supported his legal claim against Ashers and the subsequent verdict – the bakery was found guilty of discrimination last year. Now, two days before the case goes to appeal, I have changed my mind. Much as I wish to defend the gay community, I also want to defend freedom of conscience, expression and religion... The judge concluded that service providers are required to facilitate any “lawful” message, even if they have a conscientious objection. This raises the question: should Muslim printers be obliged to publish cartoons of Mohammed? Or Jewish ones publish the words of a Holocaust denier? Or gay bakers accept orders for cakes with homophobic slurs? In my view, it is an infringement of freedom to require businesses to aid the promotion of ideas to which they conscientiously object. Discrimination against people should be unlawful, but not against ideas.

- Revisiting Ashers Bakery's 2014 refusal to accept an order for a gay marriage cake – upholding personal beliefs or active discrimination?

The search is on in Australia for a motorist who is believed to have deliberately run over 17 kangaroos. Black tire marks along a road in Wacol, Brisbane, suggest the car swerved to hit the animals as they fed by the side of the road, according to the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

- This person: Christ, what an asshole.

Of the 22 states that will be casting their ballots for a Republican nominee between Feb. 1 and March 5, 11 of them feature a Republican electorate that is more than 50 percent evangelical. Even more significant, the first state to vote is Iowa, roughly 60 percent of whose Republican caucus-goers describe themselves as evangelical Christians. As had been the case in recent election cycles, if Cruz could persuade this voting bloc to coalesce around him, then in this crowded field of Republican candidates he would almost certainly emerge the winner in Iowa.

- Welp, it looks like Ted Cruz's evangelical strategy apparently worked …

A gracious Trump gave brief concession remarks on Monday night, congratulating Ted Cruz and expressing gratitude to his team and the people of Iowa. “I’m just honored,” he said. “I’m really honored and I want to congratulate Ted and I want to congratulate all of the incredible candidates, including Mike Huckabee who’s become a really good friend of mine...I think I might come here [to Iowa] and buy a farm, I love it,” he said.

- Trump displays some class after conceding Iowa

The only thing wrong with politics, he said, is “not enough good people bother to try.”

- Farewell but not goodbye, Martin O'Malley 

Dropping out of the presidential race can be more important — and can have a more lasting impact — than entering it. Departing the right way can help a candidate built a lasting “brand” and set him or her up for speaking fees, TV contracts, a book deal and, who knows, maybe another run for the top prize one day....So how will 2016’s favorite soon-to-be-also-rans finally quit? 

- Some possible exit strategies to consider, including "The Mike Huckabee" approach

Who will address the criminalization of our people? Who understands that we’re experiencing an economic crisis made worse by structural barriers to jobs and education? Who will bring us closer to real safety, freedom and power? Who has clearly shown us where they stand? The answer is someone who started this work well before campaign season, who understands our deaths as tragedies — not political talking points — and someone who will speak out against the wars being waged against our communities. Not someone who only pays attention to our concerns when it’s time to collect our votes. Not someone who gives us bread crumbs and expects us to be full. Black Americans — all Americans — need a leader with a record that speaks for itself. And to me, it’s clear. Of all the presidential candidates, Sen. Bernie Sanders is our strongest ally.

- Erica Garner, daughter of Eric Garner, is Feeling the Bern

I like Bernie, but …

- The name of this website says it all. Bernie skeptics, check it out

"For Cam to make such a bold statement with his pants – we'll have to see in the game – but he might walk in there with supreme confidence that this show might not really be getting to him. You don't really wear pants like that if you're having a bashful moment."

- Come Sunday, will Cam Newton and his Panthers live up to Cam's pants' hype? 

"The kitten players are so much easier to deal with than human players." 

- Mark your calendars: Kitten Bowl 2016, airing Sunday 7 February 2016

For Your Enjoyment #36

A handful of studies, however, suggest that Barbie does have at least some influence on what girls see as the ideal body … Therein lies Barbie’s problem. As much as Mattel has tried to market her as a feminist, Barbie’s famous figure has always overshadowed her business outfits. At her core, she’s just a body, not a character, a canvas upon which society can project its anxieties about body image. “Barbie has all this baggage,” says Jess Weiner, a branding expert and consultant. “Her status as an empowered woman has been lost.”

- Barbie gets a much-needed body makeover...but is it too little, too late?

The Bundy militiamen are an extreme example of a type that's become common in America. Like the Tea Partiers, they seem to not only believe that they're the only people in history who've ever paid taxes, but that they're the only people who were ever sad about it. What they call tyranny on the part of the federal government just means putting up with the same irritating bills and regulations and other crap that we all put up with, only the rest of us don't whine about it in the front seats of our cars while posing in front of tripods.

- Matt Taibbi takes aim at the Bundy Bunch

The idea that satire from the left can serve as a bulwark against far-right ideas is provably false. #YallQaeda tweets might be some harmless fun, but liberal laughing along deserves no great celebration on its own merits. [This] reaction is an index of profound structural racism, for which comedy is an insufficient critique. If leader Ammon Bundy and company are a joke, then the joke’s also on us: We’re in such a pitiable state of affairs that laughable loons can express themselves politically with guns waving while unarmed people of color are deemed threats and are summarily executed. What’s even more troubling from a progressive perspective is that many of the tweets concerning the holdup in Oregon include low blows at white trash stereotypes – crackers, jerky, inbreeding, beer. In his critique of the French satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo’s reductive Muhammad caricatures, Tim Parks wrote in The New York Review of Books that “the worst case is when satire reinforces the state of mind it purports to undercut, polarizes prejudices and provokes the very behavior it condemns.” Satire that deploys classism to skewer racists and conservatives is certainly such a worst case. Why not focus on their very real, very frightening beliefs? 

- Al Jazeera counters Taibbi (above) with a the sobering reality behind the Bundy standoff 

Those looking to the Militia Movement as some kind of bulwark against government tyranny ought to look somewhere else, because if you really want to understand what it’s like to have your land rights violated by a tyrannical government, go talk to a member of a Native American tribe — and count your own privileges

- ... Does the Bundy Bunch even know what their beloved Constitution says? (h/t DM)

If you're looking for evidence of anti-Carolina bias in the Super Bowl, you can't do much better than this: grounds crews mistakenly painted BRONCOS in both end zones of Levi's Stadium. Making things easier on Peyton Manning? Giving Cam Newton an even higher hurdle to clear? Or just a case of bizarre miscommunication?

- Woops.

Don't ever be afraid to speak out, the kicker told them. "You hear horror stories on the news of young kids killing themselves after getting bullied at school," McManus said. "To be able to give someone guidance, someone to talk to, is much bigger to me than kicking a winning field goal. There's always going to be another game, so impacting a kid or a family always gives me my most rewarding smile." 

- Brandon McManus, ladies and gentleman. See also: Anti Bully Squad / Text to Report

That old New Jersey / it fills my memory of all those places that are gone

- My dad posted this video a bit ago on his blog; it's pretty neat for me to see some of the things that my parents saw growing up! (video above)

Willie was famous in North West N.J. For me he always represented this Norman Rockwell small town Americana ideal. Sitting there with his American flag being the friendly old guy, waving to everyone who drove past. Sometimes he would walk to the local A&P or to the Cranberry Lake Market and Deli (Krausers at that time) and would greet everyone coming in or out, telling them to have a great day. He spent most of everyday, sitting in front of his house on Rt 206 in Byram/Andover waving to every car that passed. Nothing, not rain nor snow nor heat nor wind, kept him in. Every single there he was there to wave, and everyone honked their horns and waved back as they passed. He is a legend in Sussex County, and a symbolic piece of our childhoods. He passed in 2000 from a heart attack, while waving. To this day his chair is still there on the side of 206, and people still leave flowers.

- After sharing the "Old New Jersey" video (above) with DM, he dug up this wonderful little tribute to Willy Sparinger

Is there any home purchase more confusing and fraught with anxiety than buying a mattress? Study after study points to sleep being vitally important to our health and happiness, and it stands to reason that a mattress is a foundational component of a good night’s rest. And yet to choose the right one, shoppers must navigate a Kafkaesque maze... It would help if mattresses were like couches or dining tables and came in easily distinguishable styles, shapes and colors. But as Brett Swygman, a vice president for sales and development at Simmons, admitted, the products his company and its competitors sell have a baffling visual uniformity. People walk into a store, Mr. Swygman said, “and see a sea of white rectangles.”

- This article pretty much sums up my recent hell of trying to buy a new mattress. 

"If it gets a little boring, if I see people starting to sort of, maybe thinking about leaving, I can sort of tell the audience, I just say, ‘We will build the wall!’ and they go nuts."

- Donald Trump knows he's talking out of his ass

“My question is, what are you going to replace it with?” Valde asked. “Sir, I promise you, I will answer your question. I’m laying out first of all the problems,” Cruz said. He went on to say that the “most pragmatic, the most prudent” thing to do is repeal the law and start over. When that is done, he said that competition in the marketplace should be expanded, people should be able to buy health insurance across state lines and that everyone wants people to have insurance coverage. “Your brother-in-law couldn’t afford it,” Cruz said. “Right. But he could afford it, he finally got it under Obama,” Valde told Cruz. Cruz repeated Valde’s story, that by the time Valde’s brother-in-law went to a doctor, he was already dying. “He would have gotten it earlier, if he could have afforded it earlier, but because of government regulations, he couldn’t,” Cruz said. Valde, a Democrat who said he will caucus for Hillary Clinton, said after the exchange that Cruz hadn’t answered his question. 

- What exactly IS Ted Cruz's plan for health care "reform", anyways? 

The rover typically collects sand and examines particles on Mars - and once a year it stops to sing 'Happy Birthday' to itself - but the car-sized rover has also dedicated time to snapping pictures. And many of them have been of itself.

- I've said it before, but Curiosity's selfies are the best - and how great is it that it sings "Happy Birthday" to itself ever year?!

Upon waking up, [kayaker Ben Orkin] casually checked his email one last time and received the last note he ever expected to receive. Another team had, quite literally, just broken the record. “The email said, ‘Hey, good luck out there. Our time is around 35 hours. Just thought you should know,’” Orkin said. “I was on my way to the put-in. I was like, ‘Oh, man, I can’t believe I wasn’t the first person to break the Emerald Mile record!’”

- The Emerald Mile's 33-year-old speed record for the Grand Canyon has been broken twice in the last few days

How is it possible that National [airport], which sits on the banks of the Potomac practically in the shadow of the Washington Monument, had about half the amount of snow as the other two [airports, Dulles and BWI]? We all know Washington is famous for fudging numbers and subjective math, but even in a town where climate change is a flash point, both sides of the aisle could agree: This sounds fishy. So what went awry? Turns out, the culprit was reportedly the measuring device. As in, it got lost in the snow.

- Just how much snow was dumped on the DC area during last week's Snowzilla? Maybe we'll never know.

The former Deputy Director of the National Security Agency, John C. Inglis, even described the squirrel threat as one of the greatest dangers facing mankind, according to the squirrel-tracking website Cyber Squirrel 1. “I don’t think paralysis [of the electrical grid] is more likely by cyberattack than by natural disaster. And frankly the number-one threat experienced to date by the U.S. electrical grid is squirrels.”

- Cyber Squirrel 1 tells me that the squirrel threat is real

Now that dogs are getting acupuncture, there's a space open for chickens to move up from incubators to actual trainable pets. Thanks to Chicken Camp PDX, a four day class in April, your chicken will cross the road because you told it to. 

- Hurry and sign up for Chicken Camp PDX to reserve your (and your chicken's) spot ASAP!

For Your Enjoyment #35, Race to the White House 2016 Ed.

It's Western civilization's very own car wreck. Even if you don't want to watch it, you will... The irony is that this was supposed to be the year when the Republicans opened the tent up, made a sincere play for the Hispanic vote, and perhaps softened up a bit on gays and other vermin. But then the lights went on in the race and voters flocked to a guy whose main policy plank was the construction of a giant Game of Thrones-style wall to keep rape-happy ethnics off our lawns. So much for inclusion! … It may not seem funny now, because it's happening to us, but centuries from this moment, people will laugh in wonder. America is ceasing to be a nation, and turning into a giant television show.

- "Go Crazy or Go Home": Matt Taibbi takes a look into the 2016 GOP Clown Car (image above)

If someone did make a movie about the 2016 presidential race, who would play the candidates? …The funniest suggestion I received for the role of [Bobby] Jindal was the empty chair from Clint Eastwood's infamous convention speech.

- Taibbi gathers suggestions for a Hollywood casting call 

In all the hysteria, however, what's often missed are the qualities that brought Trump here. You don't do a fraction of what he's done in life – dominate New York real estate for decades, build the next grand Xanadus for the super-rich on the far shores of Dubai and Istanbul, run the prime-time ratings table for more than 10 years and earn a third (or sixth) fortune at it – without being immensely cunning and deft, a top-of-the-food-chain killer. If you're waiting for Trump to blow himself up in a Hindenburg of gaffes or hate speech, you're in for a long, cold fall and winter. Donald Trump is here for the duration – and gaining strength and traction by the hour.

- Rolling Stone heads on the campaign trail with Donald Trump

There has been a lot of talk this campaign season about how women pols bring superior qualities to the table: collegiality and listening skills. But Sarahcuda shows that we are truly the equals of men, capable of narcissistic explosions, brazen hypocrisy and unapologetic greed. She had barely finished the endorsement Tuesday when she began using it to raise money for SarahPAC, so she can take her show on the road... Palin has done us a favor by proving that a woman can stumble, babble incoherently on stage and spew snide garbage, and it isn’t a blot on the female copybook.

- Maureen Dowd thanks Sarah Palin for saving feminism in her wonderfully snarky Op-Ed in the Times

Let's Take a Quick Chris Christie Interlude, Shall We?

Christie, in the presence of Springsteen – whom he would marry if he were gay and if gay people were allowed to marry in the state he governs – loses himself … “No one is beyond the reach of Bruce!” [Christie] screams over the noise of the crowd, and then screams it again, to make sure I understand: “No one is beyond the reach of Bruce!”  There is something odd about this assertion, beyond the obvious, which is that there are, in fact, people who don’t like Springsteen, who find his singing akin to hog-calling; others find his Tribune of the Downtrodden persona a bit of a pose. But what is strange about this statement is that it is an inversion of a central, dispiriting truth of Christie’s life: Bruce Springsteen is beyond his reach.

- We need to revisit Chris Christie's unrequited love for The Boss

"We gotta get out but we can't. We're stuck in Governor Chris Christie's Fort Lee, NJ traffic jam."

-  I still can't stop watching Springsteen and Fallon's 2014 ode to Bridgegate (image above)  

At venues large and small, the populist rocker seemed to go out of his way to snub the governor. Still, Mr. Christie never wavered in his devotion. “Just because we disagree doesn’t mean I don’t get him,” Mr. Christie said. Love runs deeper than disagreements. It would take a hurricane to bring the two men together. They embraced at a benefit for Hurricane Sandy victims at Rockefeller Center. For Mr. Christie, it was more than just a hug. He later relayed the experience to President Obama, who had himself played matchmaker, arranging a call between the two men. “I told the president today actually that the hug was great and that when we got home there was a lot of weeping because of the hug,” Mr. Christie recalled after the trip. “And the president said, ‘Why?’ I said, ‘Well, to be honest, I was the one weeping; everyone else was fine.’ ” At a town-hall-style meeting not long after the embrace, Mr. Christie told voters, “We hugged and he told me it’s official: We’re friends.” But it would not last.

- In the post-Bridgegate Springsteen spoof world, the end of Christie's one-sided love affair

In a videotaped interview, when asked to choose between Mr. Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi, also from New Jersey, Mr. Christie and his wife, Mary Pat, both picked Mr. Bon Jovi without hesitation. 

- … Bon Jovi now?  At least the feeling is mutual. 

... And we're back to the present

Cruz’s view of himself was on full display in the CNBC debate in Colorado in October. All candidates were asked to show some vulnerability by sharing a few thoughts on their biggest weakness. Cruz answered first with a joke by saying, “I’m too agreeable, easygoing.” But then Cruz got down to business, telling the watching nation about his biggest weakness – “You know, I think my biggest weakness is exactly the opposite. I’m a fighter. I am passionate about what I believe. I’ve been passionate my whole life about the Constitution.” There you have it. His biggest weakness is that he is wonderful. In fact, Cruz has failed in every cause he has championed – and it is never his fault. Failure to defund Planned Parenthood, failure to repeal Obamacare, failure to stop the Iran deal– and the list goes on. Of course, all conservatives want these battles to be fought, even if we lose. But it’s not really the issue or the cause that Cruz is championing. No, he just wants to be the one leading the cause – and wants you to see him doing it. Cruz is a perpetual martyr. 

- Ted Cruz: The Televangelist Candidate?

"His commitment to overcomb any obstacle." 

- A few of the funniest things said about Donald Trump

'It's actually a flannel moth caterpillar, they're really rare, I've seen this type of caterpillar before but never one of this colour. We put the picture of our Twitter and Facebook page and immediately people started comparing it to Donald Trump. We didn't see the resemblance when we first saw the caterpillar but looking at the photo it's certainly similar to his hair … I think if Donald saw it himself, he'd find a reason to come down and check the caterpillar out. It's not the most approachable of caterpillars either - if you touch that thing it would seriously hurt, it has these little hairs that can poke into your skin and release a venom."

- Caterpillar or Trump Toupee? On a related note: TIME Magazine has discovered the secret behind Trump's 'do

"I'm here for all you teachers and teamsters, you farmers and charmers, whether you're a mom or Two Broke Girls or Three Men and a Baby, or a rockin' roller, holy roller, pushing stroller, pro bowler with an abscessed molar..."

- Tina Fey nails Sarah Palin's endorsement of Donald Trump, complete with That Cardigan and a spot-on speech

He would email them at all hours of the night, causing many to avoid meetings at which they believed Cruz would in attendance, lest they be added to his list of correspondents.

- Ted Cruz has been annoying people for decades

Donald Trump's decision to withdraw from Thursday's Fox News Channel debate was treated like a bombshell, a surprise move from a candidate who had patented the mid-week swerve. But it was entirely predictable. 

- Oscar Wilde was right: There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

Among the whole sample of Republicans, Trump led Cruz by 11 points, but among those who caucused last time, Cruz led by 2. On the Democratic side, the effect was even more stark: Sanders led Clinton by 8 points among all respondents, but among those who caucused in 2008, Clinton led by 17.

- Just how representative will Monday's Iowa Caucuses be? 

In a battle of extremes between Mr Trump and Mr Sanders, Mr Bloomberg could conceivably peel off enough moderate voters from both parties to build a winning coalition. But in a contest featuring a centrist and a polarising figure like Mr Trump or Ted Cruz, Mr Bloomberg would likely share the reasonable-person vote with Mrs Clinton – to the benefit of the GOP nominee.

- The Economist considers who would vote for Michael Bloomberg should he consider a late entry into the race

So, let's have it. Run, Mike, run. Would it be in the best interests of the country for him to run? Probably not. Would it be in the best interests of the country for him to be president? Oh, hell no. Would it be a heck of a lot of fun? You bet.

- Speaking of Bloomberg: The Week describes what would be at stake in a Trump-Bloomberg rivalry

This election is about changing the parameters of what’s feasible and ending the choke hold of big money on our political system. In other words, it’s about power – whether the very wealthy who now have it will keep it, or whether average Americans will get some as well. I have worked closely with [Clinton] and have nothing but respect for her. In my view, she’s clearly the most qualified candidate for president of the political system we now have. But the political system we now have is profoundly broken. Bernie Sanders is the most qualified candidate to create the political system we should have because he’s leading a political movement for change.

- Robert Reich gets to the heart of the Sanders-Clinton debate (See also: this piece)

"I frankly think that in our system of mainly bought elections, [Bernie Sanders] doesn't have much of a chance. But if he were elected I think he would - of the current candidates -  be the one who would have, from my point of view, the best policies."

- Noam Chomsky doesn't appear to have much faith in a Sanders win...but has he read Reich's response(s)?

With Donald J. Trump and Senator Ted Cruz battling for the Republican nomination, two powerful factions of their party are now clashing over the question: Which man is more dangerous?

- I think we all know the answer to this one

For Your Enjoyment #34

"What's so frustrating about this is it's a real missed opportunity for Pantone to actually influence people's notions about gender through color."

- FastCo (albeit in a somewhat uppity manner) explains the problem behind Pantone's choice Color(s) of the Year (image above)

I believe that I have developed the opposite of FOMO, in fact: I have a case of FOGO, or Fear of Going Out. Okay, well not literally a fear of going out. I still love a party. Always have and always will. But I have an active non-desire to attend the mass-Instagrammed events that clog up all my social-media feeds on several-week-long intervals throughout the year.

- Is FOGO the new FOMO?

The South Downs national park authority said on its Facebook page that for Christmas it would like “peace on Earth and Google Maps to reinstate the South Downs national park”

- "All I want for Christmas is for Google Maps to stop deleting us" – Why Britain’s newest national park keeps disappearing from Google Maps

Bison roaming Yellowstone National Park that are controversially earmarked for slaughter could be spared, with the park looking at implementing a plan next year that will see members of the famed herd relocated to other areas rather than culled.

- Good news for bison: Yellowstone is now considering non-lethal options in its quest to control its wildlife population

In the 1940s the department was trying to deal with an overpopulation of beavers in some regions when wildlife managers settled on a novel idea. They captured beavers and other fur-bearing rodents, packed them into boxes, attached parachutes and dropped them from a plane into the Frank Church River of No Return Wilderness.

- In more Animal Relocation News: Idaho's 1940s Dept. of Fish & Game is my new hero. 

What if you just stay a duck?

 - The NYT deals with being dishonest about ugliness

"Just another day in the United States of America - another day of gun fire, panic, and fear."

- Can we avoid becoming numb to, and worse, learning to expect and accept, the degree of violence behind mass shootings?

"The erosion of the UK's wildlife is staggering and this is reinforced when you talk about puffin and turtle dove now facing the same level of extinction threat as African elephant and lion, and being more endangered than the humpback whale."

- Recent additons to the International Union for Conservation of Nature Red List of Threatened Species for birds

If they truly want their generosity to result in sustainable change, they need to be willing to make contributions without strings attached.

- Salon and Bloomberg voice some skepticism over of the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative - critical or just honest? 

"I took off all my clothes, and I rolled down the hill as fast as I can. I was just screaming, and hair and boobs were flying, and shoes were going everywhere."

- Playboy ends its 60+ year tradition of nude photoshoots with one last Pamela Anderson hurrah

For Your Enjoyment #33, April Fools' Ed.

The only thing people like better than selfies are pictures of their pets! 

- Petco’s Cat (and Dog) on a Stick Selfie (image above)

Though four fundamental forces – the strong force, the weak force, the electromagnetic force and gravity – have been well documented and confirmed in experiments over the years, CERN announced today the first unequivocal evidence for the Force. “Very impressive, this result is,” said a diminutive green spokesperson for the laboratory.

- LHC physicists confirm existence of The Force in their seminal report, "May the Force Be with EU"

“Top Gear was a wild ride for an ordinary bloke like me,” said Clarkson. “But there comes a time when a man’s got to ask himself what he really stands for. And for me, that’s sustainable energy, traffic calming and an end to xenophobia and prejudice.”

- Jeremy Clarkson (with his new Prius) goes green for The Guardian 

Fighting what he calls “an avalanche of verbiage in the name of every bill,” Congressman Mike Honda (D-CA17) today introduced the Accountability and Congressional Responsibility On Naming Your Motions (ACRONYM) Act of 2014. This bill will prohibit the addition of words to the title of any bill just to create an acronym. “It’s gotten ridiculous,” Congressman Honda said. “We’re getting bills that have over 10 words in the title just so they can spell something that’s supposed to be clever. The last straw was The Pension And Social Security Measuring Equivalence Permanent Linking of Everyone’s Actual Savings Environment (PASS ME PLEASE) Act, which only corrected a typo on Page 346 of the tax code.” 

- The Nation’s Operational and Clerical Habits Application and Notification for Congressional Excellence (NO CHANCE) House subcommittee

Hoping to use their glaring personal animosity to save rather than end lives - and exploiting their nations' shared love of martial sports - Mr Poroshenko suggests the breakaway region's future be determined in a single combat between the two presidents. Mr Putin's spokesman has hinted that he is amenable, providing the discipline is judo and that one of his associates gets the contract to build the venue. 

- The Economist reports on the newest combat resolution proposal to end Russian-Ukrainian conflict in the Donbas

The Audi Autononous Office Chair is equipped with groundbreaking features like biometric sensors, cutting-edge collision avoidance technology and even our signature quattro technology.

- Audi's newest product offering puts you in the driver's seat around the office

With vehicles featuring 66-inch tires and supercharged V8 engines, the Alamo Monster Truck Program allows families to explore even the most remote locations for their off-road adventures. Towering 12 feet high and weighing in at 10,000 pounds, the trucks will be available with rates starting at $650 per day. Weekly rates are also available by request. “Our more adventurous customers are looking for vehicles that will get their adrenaline pumping when they travel,” said Rob Connors, assistant vice president of brand marketing for Alamo. “The Alamo Monster Truck Program is our way of providing truly monstrous experiences to vacationers looking for an extraordinary memory.”

- Alamo announces plans for Monster Truck rentals at select U.S. locations

The next time you want a car to get the beep off the road, try the new app Beep Off. With a one-click snap of the offender's license plate, you've donated their car to Kars4Kids!

- This new app allows you to donate other peoples' cars to charity 

Tesla today announced a whole new product line called the Model W. As many in the media predicted, it's a watch. That's what the "W" stands for. This incredible new device from Tesla doesn't just tell the time, it also tells the date. What's more, it is infinitely adjustable, able to tell the time no matter where you are on Earth. Japan, Timbuktu, California, anywhere! This will change your life. Reality as you know it will never be the same.  Studies have shown the Model W will dramatically improve your health. If you work out. And it's available in platinum!

- Tesla responds to the iWatch with its new Model W

In order to ensure the most efficient trip possible, each Grøüber car is equipped with a GPS-based red laser that emits from the front of the vehicle and navigates the trip from the pickup to the destination. Cats have proven track record of relentless dedication to following red lasers and after much testing, we confirmed that a fleet of felines would be the safest and most skilled drivers.

- Do you need to leave the house to redeem a Groupon? Grøüber's got you covered.

Now, with the press of a button, our repair manuals can be delivered directly from our servers to your fax machines.

- iFixit's newest offering, iFaxit, brings you on-demand repair manuals

Today we launch MS-DOS Mobile. A bold step forward. People said it couldn't be done. And questioned why it should be done. And they told us we shouldn't do it. And you know what? We've done it anyway. 

- Microsoft launches MS-DOS Mobile, a new operating system designed especially for its Lumia smartphones

Our customer loyalty team is even here to listen when your friends and family members just won't shut the f**k up.

- Need to get out of a long-winded, obnoxious conversation? Zappos is here to listen so you don't have to.

The Reclinomax is truly the chair for the 21st century. The Reclinomax is fitness relaxed, and it's a total body solution. You can do bicep curls, hands-free leg extensions, bicep curls, you can rest, you can even do resting bicep curls. It's possible to relax all the muscles in your body except the one you're trying to work on. That way you can work the one you want to work, while you rest the rest. Simply put, the Reclinomax is a revolution in fitness. Put a little more simply, it's a recliner with weights attached to it. Sometimes you reach into a chair for change, and sometimes, if you're lucky, that chair reaches back and changes you. 

- Planet Fitness' latest Reclinomax sounds like the fitness tool I need

For Your Enjoyment #32

Kraft Singles, those individually wrapped slices of processed cheese that have long been a staple of school lunches, are the first product to earn a nutrition seal from the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, the trade group representing 75,000 registered dietitians and other nutrition professionals.

- The NYT examines how Kraft American Singles earned the official "Kids Eat Right" label (image above)

"We’re trying to understand the minute detail of how waddling works with living penguins, and then taking that back in time, looking at the fossil record of penguins to understand how evolving for such a specialised underwater lifestyle has affected their ability to move on land."

- Scientists are using a special motion detecting ‘catwalk’ to study penguin waddling

[T]he Utah legislation should not become a model for the nation. The bill contains troubling exemptions for religious groups, allowing them to continue to discriminate in ways that would be impermissible in many other states and under federal law. In particular, the Utah law specifically exempts religiously affiliated nonprofits such as schools, hospitals, and social service organizations.

- Utah State Bill 296: Antidiscrimination and Religious Freedom Amendments may be a step in the right direction, but it's not everything

The OU frat video released earlier this week shocked the nation. But not me. I never believed the lie of a post-racial America, so new heights of white shittiness don’t surprise me. Instead, my mind went to that kid who still longed to be the unwanted “n****er” in a fraternity where he’d be like Baldwin’s “fly in the buttermilk.” That black boy or girl who has no idea who the hell s/he is, who thinks that finding a home in places like the SAE house might offer some desperately needed sense of belonging. I write this in the hopes of reaching that lost black body floating adrift in the chaos of racial identity — just like I did for much of my life.

- Kasai Rex reflects on his struggle to ignore white prejudice in a lifelong attempt to fit in

Not long ago, our blockbuster business books spoke in unison: Trust your gut... No more. The gut is dead. Long live the data, turned out day and night by our myriad computers and smart devices. Not that we trust the data, as we once trusted our guts. Instead, we “optimize” it. We optimize for it. We optimize with it. A sucker is optimized every minute. 

- The NYT discusses the ongoing trend of reducing ourselves into data sets; Mark Morford of the SF Gate chimes in here

What parent wouldn't want to guarantee their child's safety? But are surgically implanted tracking devices the answer?

- A few brief arguments for and against the idea of microchipping your children

Noting how he piled on yet another healthy practice to his perfectly goddamned balanced lifestyle, exasperated friends confirmed Wednesday that annoying, well-adjusted 32-year-old Ryan Miller is even fucking meditating now. “Christ, the emotionally stable fucker already loves his job, exercises four times a week, and now he has the balls to spend 10 minutes every morning sitting quietly and breathing deeply to clear his mind,” said longtime friend Michael Saunders, adding that it was bad enough when the irritatingly healthy Miller switched from drinking coffee to herbal tea.

- Let's all admit that we know what The Onion is talking about here

For Your Enjoyment #31

A group of researches (two psychologists and a composer) with truly lovely research interests recently embarked on a mission to create music that was designed specifically for domestic cats; enjoyment.

- I think I found Gatsby's next present (image above)

"In an effort to help working individuals improve their fitness and well-being, experts at the Mayo Clinic issued a new set of health guidelines Thursday recommending that Americans stand up at their desk, leave their office, and never return."

- The Onion offers some helpful suggestions for bettering your physical and mental health

Kai has now moved into his [new, adoptive] forever home. 

- A happy ending for Kai, the shar-pei mix who was found abandoned at a train station along with a suitcase of his belongings

The institutions are concerned that selfie sticks could damage works of art and create a safety hazard for patrons.  

- Going to a museum? Best leave your selfie stick at home,

Science shows that when it comes to maintaining your metabolism it doesn't make a whit of difference whether you eat breakfast or not...[a]nd breakfast isn't the only metabolically unimportant meal. In fact, it doesn't seem to matter much at all how and when you get your calories ... The one thing that might actually improve your metabolism is periodic fasting.

- Mother Jones reports on why you should maybe just stop eating

Philz is gearing up to take its experience far beyond the Bay Area, and has raised a healthy amount of money to help do it.

- Need your daily (hourly?) caffeine fix? Philz Coffee has raised $15 million to expand nationwide

Researcher Jianzhi Zhang, a molecular and genomic evolution professor at the University of Michigan, recently examined the emperor penguin's genome. But he says he couldn't find the bird's genes to taste umami, the savory flavor of fish or meat.

- Penguins can't taste their dinner?!  This doesn't seem to be stopping this guy.

[The Hello Kitty Cafe Truck] will be parked at Japantown’s Cherry Blossom Festival on April 11, April 12 and April 18, each day from 10am to 5pm.

- Looks like my Asian self will be camped out in Japantown for a few days

For Your Enjoyment #30

[W]ho leaves a dog like that on the street? And, didn't that delivery guy just steal a dog? How did Krazy-8 from Breaking Bad become a soda delivery guy? Look, we don't know all the details. What we do know is that it's all freakin' adorable.

- Dr. Pepper's new commercial is killing me with cuteness (video above)

[Delaware North] says it bought the names of the sites long ago and wants as much as $51 million to release its ownership of them if another company takes over the contract, according to park documents.

- Who owns the right to Yosemite National Park's locale names? 

"There are 10,000 clothing companies in the male and female spectrum, there has to be a couple that are willing to cross that boundary. We aren't talking about a radicalizing gender or sexuality. Clothing companies should be about people expressing their own feelings."

- Fashion Labels Are Finally Catering to Butch Women and Trans Men

The last time the Supreme Court agreed to review the same-sex marriage issue, gay couples were banned from marrying in more than 40 states. Since then, the number of states where same-sex marriage is allowed has quadrupled.

- The Washington Post maps out changes in the national landscape from 2012 to 2015

Overall, advocates of same-sex marriage rights have good reason to be optimistic. But as fans of the Green Bay Packers will tell you, it's unwise to celebrate prematurely. 

- The Week offers their predictions on how the Supreme Court Justices will side on the upcoming Gay Marriage vote

In an effort to highlight their longstanding contributions and loyalty to the agency, the U.S. Postal Service unveiled a new line of commemorative stamps Wednesday honoring those Americans who still use the U.S. Postal Service.

- The Onion imagines the USPS's latest offering

"My secret to a long life has been staying away from men. They're just more trouble than they're worth. I also made sure that I got plenty of exercise, eat a nice warm bowl of porridge every morning and have never gotten married." 

- Jessie Gallan, Scotland's oldest living woman at a spritely 109 years old, reveals her secret to longevity

"Develop your own voice."

- Werner Herzog offers 24 pieces of advice for filmmakers (and perhaps for life in general)

News reports from that event got it wrong. They said I was happy and married with two children. Reporters are always after the happily-ever-after ending. I had two children, yes, but I wasn’t married, nor was I happy. I had had a lot of highs and lows in those intervening eight years. But that night was the first time I actually started to feel OK. So, really, Officer Briggs saved my life twice. I have since become a suicide prevention advocate, encouraging people to talk through their problems rather than think about ending their lives. I now know that depression is a part of me but not who I am. I have three children and a new partner with whom I will spend the rest of my life. Now is the happily ever after.

- Kevin Berthia on his 2005 Golden Gate Bridge suicide attempt (see also: "That's me in the picture")

If America's goats were their own state, its population would be larger than that of Wyoming, Vermont, D.C. and North Dakota -- combined. This is what all those goats look like on a map.

- Wondering where all the goats are? The Washington Post is on it. 

Incidentally, so many selfie sticks popped up in South Korea that officials there "cracked down" on unregulated selfie sticks, and anyone spotted selling these monopods could face three years in prison.

- The Selfie Sticks are coming

“Even if your situation is difficult, you'll be 100 times better off keeping your child than having the knowledge you aborted it.”

- I demand to see your math behind this number

For Your Enjoyment #29

Penguin of your walk in soccer cheer costume became annual in Vogel Park!

- The Matsue Vogel Park Penguin World Cup is possibly the cutest way to celebrate the World Cup (image above)

“It made me sad to realize that I felt better about myself when I actually could fit into these clothes. That’s not how I should feel about clothing. When I couldn’t fit, I felt sad. But why? No one body is the same, and that’s how it should be. We’re all different, so the idea of ‘one size’ for all of us is just absurd."

- This is what happens when women attempt to shop at a "One Size Fits Most (All)" store

A naturally robust and earthy wine red, Marsala enriches our minds, bodies and souls.

- Pantone introduces the 2015 Color of the Year

The dazed bear quickly recovered from its fall. It then calmly wandered over to the living room table, replete with a spread of birthday treats, and helped itself to some lemon blueberry and peanut butter cupcakes.

- “Bear Falls Through Skylight Into Party, Eats All the Cupcakes”

"This inadvertent algorithmic cruelty is the result of code that works in the overwhelming majority of cases, reminding people of the awesomeness of their years, showing them selfies at a party or whale spouts from sailing boats or the marina outside their vacation house. But for those of us who lived through the death of loved ones, or spent extended time in the hospital, or were hit by divorce or losing a job or any one of a hundred crises, we might not want another look at this past year."

- Facebook's "Year in Review" feature has been inadvertently highlighting some users' personal tragedies from this past year

To the individual who scrawled the word ‘faggots’ into our door we regret to inform you that you completely failed to use glitter paint and/or sequins, your work looked rushed and your handwriting was positively atrocious. It is for these reasons we had to remove your work from our door with sandpaper. Fabulously yours, The gays in Apt 611.

- This couple wins

[P]atrons inquired about the life cycle of an eyebrow hair, how many neurotic people were in the United States, the name of Napoleon's horse, and just how do you put up wallpaper?

- Questions posed to the NY Public Library from the 1940s to 1980s; follow their official Instagram for more #letmelibrarianthatforyou

Every time we take to the open road, we entrust our lives to a safety net of legal protection and basic human decency. That system has failed.

- Bicycling Magazine takes an in-depth look at the social, community and legal aftermath of automobile-cyclist crashes 

Mr. de Blasio isn’t going to say it, but somebody has to: With these acts of passive-aggressive contempt and self-pity, many New York police officers, led by their union, are squandering the department’s credibility, defacing its reputation, shredding its hard-earned respect. They have taken the most grave and solemn of civic moments – a funeral of a fallen colleague – and hijacked it for their own petty look-at-us gesture. 

- The NYT Editorial Board questions the effects of the recent actions of New York's Finest

There has, in short, never been as much pressure to make your life look cool on social media as there will be Wednesday night, circa 10 p.m. It matters not if you’re drinking Cristal in the club, eating Bagel Bites in your sweatpants or crying yourself to sleep; whatever the circumstance, your New Year’s Eve social media game must be on fleek.

- How to make your New Years Eve look much cooler on social media than it actually is

Out: Artisanal toast, Fixies, Cauliflower, Lumbersexuals, Faux-Fur Placemats / In: Biscuits, Xtracycle, Radish, Urban Nomads, Plaid Wool Throws

- And finally: the 2015 Washington Post's In/Out list has arrived